Episode 235: Red & Green Flags in Relationships - Patricia Young

Patricia discusses red flags and ideal qualities in relationships. She emphasizes the importance of honoring rhythms and self-care, as well as effective communication and conflict resolution. Patricia also addresses gaslighting, setting boundaries, and the significance of trust, honesty, and similar values in a relationship. She explores the impact of political differences and attachment wounds on a partnership. The episode concludes with a reminder to embrace sensitivity and prioritize self-care.

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Takeaways

Honor your rhythms and practice self-care in relationships.
Pay attention to red flags such as controlling behavior, lack of respect, and constant fighting.
Look for qualities like kindness, respect, trust, and effective communication in a partner.
Set boundaries and be aware of gaslighting in relationships.
Consider the impact of political differences and attachment wounds on a partnership.
Spend quality time together and ensure compatibility with each other’s friends.

Red Flags:

Lack of respect and kindness towards service providers
Moving too quickly in the relationship without respecting boundaries
Negative and derogatory descriptions of past relationships and partners
Jealousy and controlling behavior
Attempting to change or control the other person’s appearance and behavior
Putting the other person down, even in a teasing manner
Inability to provide comfort and support during difficult times
Not being responsive or available when the other person asks for support or help
Constantly pushing boundaries without respecting the other person’s limits
Constant fighting or high emotional conflicts
Lack of active listening and attunement to the other person’s needs
Disrespect towards others and themselves
Lack of emotional awareness and intelligence
Poor communication skills and inability or unwillingness to engage in difficult conversations

Green Flags

Good communication skills (or willing to improve them)
Mutual trust and respect.
Supporting each other’s goals even if it brings up feelings for you
You can have fun together.
Demonstrating empathy and tenderness during difficult times
Being willing to pitch in and help when it is needed without needing to be asked (or having a willing spirit).
You can be independent and enjoy your own friends and interests.
There is interdependence: you need each other and can depend on the other person.
You make decisions together and consider both people and how they will be affected.
Conflict isn’t seen as threatening or dangerous.
You value rupture and repair and know it’s part of any healthy relationship.
You both can compromise and consider the other person’s needs/feelings without sacrificing or giving in
You can count on the other person to show up or do what they say will do.
There is a sense of equality and both people matter.
There is reciprocity (financial, emotional, respect, compromise).
The other person “gets” you, or tries to understand when they don’t.
Having similar values and goals, despite political differences.
Ability to work through differences and agree to disagree.
Being reliable and having a group-minded approach.
Showing kindness, generosity, and emotional attunement.
Respecting boundaries and moving at a comfortable pace in the relationship.
Treating service industry workers with respect and kindness.
Providing comfort, support, and responsiveness during challenging times.
Demonstrating high emotional awareness, intelligence, and effective communication.

Chapters (please allow for addition of introduction)

00:00 Introduction and Update

01:03 The Importance of Honoring Rhythms and Self-Care

04:00 Qualities to Look for in a Relationship

06:05 Communication and Conflict Resolution

09:33 Gaslighting and Boundaries

13:38 Equality, Support, and Independence

16:09 Trust, Honesty, and Similar Values

18:24 Attachment Wounds and Conflict Resolution

21:44 Spending Quality Time and Friend Compatibility

22:28 Conclusion

PODCAST HOST

Patricia was a Licensed Clinical Social Worker for over 17 years, but she is now exclusively providing coaching. She knows what it’s like to feel like an outcast, misfit, and truthteller. Learning about the trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), then learning she is AuDHD with a PDA profile and RSD, helped Patricia rewrite her history with a deeper understanding, appreciation, and a sense of self-compassion. She created the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive to help other neurodivergent folks know that they aren’t alone, and that having a brain that is wired differently comes with amazing gifts, and some challenges. Patricia works online globally working individually with people, and she teaches Online Courses for neurodivergent folks that focus on understanding what it means to be a sensitive neurodivergent. Topics covered include: self-care, self-compassion, boundaries, perfectionism, mindfulness, communication, and creating a lifestyle that honors you

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PODCAST HOST

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