Episode 258: Performative Expectations vs. Honoring Your Neurodivergent (AuDHD) Needs - Patricia Young

In this conversation, Patricia discusses the challenges of navigating personal truths, autonomy, and performative expectations, particularly as an AuDHDer. Patricia reflects on her struggles with body image, the importance of self-trust, the need for autonomy (PDA), honoring her needs as a neurodivergent human, and prioritizing her comfort. She also addresses social anxiety, the joy of spontaneity, and the balance between assertiveness and sensitivity in relationships. Ultimately, Patricia emphasizes personal growth and the acceptance of one’s unique identity through the planning and execution of her son’s wedding.

HIGHLIGHTS

Navigating personal truths is essential for autonomy, and working with PDA (pervasive or persistent drive for autonomy)
Performative expectations can override the needs of the human.
Body image issues are apt to come up when asked to wear clothes one doesn’t normally wear.
Self-trust is crucial in making personal choices.
Finding comfort in clothing is important for self-regulation, and feeling authentic.
Fear of overwhelm and dysregulation can be mitigated with preparation.
Embracing spontaneity can enhance connections with others.
Assertiveness is necessary in family dynamics.
Personal growth often comes from challenging experiences.
Sensitivity is a strength, not a weakness.

SOUND BITES

“This is not about getting married.”

“I felt so present.”

“I really wanted to honor the bride.”

“I was very disheartened.”

“I fell in love with it.”

SENSITIVITY IS NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR; IT’S HOW YOU’RE WIRED

You have a right to trust that you are exactly where you need to be. There’s not anything you need to do. Your value and worth does not come from being productive. You can be stimmy. You can be joyful. You can be quiet.
You can be assertive.
You can be moving your body.
You can be still.
You can want to touch all of the dogs in the world, and all of the horses.
You can want to be left alone.
You can enjoy being with people not being with people.
Every single part of you is okay exactly the way you are.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Navigating Personal Truths and Autonomy
03:01 The Impact of Performative Expectations
05:55 Body Image and Self-Trust
09:11 Finding Comfort in Personal Choices
12:11 Overcoming Social Anxiety and Overstimulation
14:52 Embracing Spontaneity and Connection
18:08 Balancing Assertiveness and Sensitivity
20:46 Reflections on Personal Growth and Relationships

PODCAST HOST

Patricia was a Licensed Clinical Social Worker for over 17 years, but she is now exclusively providing coaching. She knows what it’s like to feel like an outcast, misfit, and truthteller. Learning about the trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), then learning she is AuDHD with a PDA profile, OCD and RSD, helped Patricia rewrite her history with a deeper understanding, appreciation, and a sense of self-compassion. She created the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive to help other neurodivergent folks know that they aren’t alone, and that having a brain that is wired differently comes with amazing gifts, and some challenges. Patricia works online globally working individually with people, and she teaches Online Courses for neurodivergent folks that focus on understanding what it means to be a sensitive neurodivergent. Topics covered include: self-care, self-compassion, boundaries, perfectionism, mindfulness, communication, and creating a lifestyle that honors you

HIGHLIGHTS

CHAPTERS

PODCAST HOST

LINKS