We Didn’t Talk For 20 Years Due To A Mutual Therapist
Laura Carr, LMFT
Laura Carr, LMFT and I were best friends. We broke up and didn’t talk for 20 years due to a mutual therapist. We talk about friendship trauma and the grief associated with it. I gave Laura an ultimatum, and so did the therapist. We talk about how this impacted us, and the powerful repair work we have done since we reconnected. The importance of owning our mistakes, and how we rebuilt trust and established safety. The power of naming things, and HOW we practice open, vulnerable communication. I also talk at the end about the therapist that was a big part of this.
We experience a tremendous amount of friendship trauma, but we don’t learn how to process it, so the grief and hurt gets buried, but makes it more challenging in subsequent relationships because we haven’t been taught how to process this type of trauma
We really need to own our mistakes when we make them. There is incredible power and healing when we apologize sincerely and work to make living amends. It builds trust and safety in a relationship.
Friendships have seasons, and sometimes friendships are good through certain times of our lives, but they are not meant to last forever.
When we focus on rules and not on the relationship, there is no flexibility or ability to work through conflict.
How do you develop trust? It takes time, and even though one can apologize, it’s laying a foundation of behaviors that back up the words to develop trust. It takes time, and it has to be earned.
The power in naming things and having depth in a relationship where we can tell the truth from a place of love, and how it brings more depth and security to the relationship
The gifts of allowing ourselves to be seen when we’re in relationship with another person who honors us and reflects back our strength. It allows us to be even more authentic.
Laura Carr is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in San Diego, CA. Laura has been in private practice since 1998. She co-created the orientation, Compassion Based Awareness Therapy which is an approach that integrates psychological theory and mindfulness. She opened Center for Mindful Relationships (CFMR) in 2012 which offers affordable counseling services to the public. This site also offers training to therapists who are gaining hours towards their MFT licensure. Laura has many roles: a mom, wife, friend, therapist, supervisor, meditator, animal lover, athlete, entrepreneur, and student of Zen. Laura is passionate about personal growth and development.
Patricia Young, LCSW is a therapist in San Diego who is in private practice. Patricia works primarily with Highly Sensitive People (HSP) helping them understand their HSPness, and to turn their perceived shortcomings into superpowers. Patricia is passionate about providing education to help HSPs and non-HSPs understand and truly appreciate all the gifts we have to offer. Patricia provides online (telehealth) therapy to people who live in California. We meet over a private platform (similar to Skype), and you can have therapy from the privacy of your own home—when the kids are at school or are napping; from work; in your pajamas, or when you just can’t face sitting in traffic or going out.
Dr. Elaine Aron’s website— https://hsperson.com/
HSP Self-test– https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-test/
HSP Child self-test– https://hsperson.com/test/highly-sensitive-child-test/
Introversion, Extroversion and the Highly Sensitive Person by Jaquelyn Strickland, LPC– https://hsperson.com/introversion-extroversion-and-the-highly-sensitive-person/
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MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com