Episode 262: Breaking Down Internalized Ableism - Patricia Young

In this conversation, Patricia explores the concept of internalized ableism, particularly among neurodivergent individuals. She discusses how societal stigma and expectations can lead to negative self-perceptions and feelings of inadequacy. Patricia shares personal experiences and insights on how internalized ableism manifests in various aspects of life, including relationships, self-acceptance, and the pressure to conform to neurotypical standards. She emphasizes the importance of unlearning these hurtful beliefs and embracing one’s neurodivergent identity with compassion and understanding.

HIGHLIGHTS

Internalized ableism is the unconscious adoption of negative beliefs about oneself due to societal stigma.
Neurodivergent individuals often feel pressure to conform to neurotypical standards, which can lead to trauma.
Resting is a valid need and should not be seen as a failure.
Asking for accommodations is essential for well-being and should not induce guilt.
The concept of ‘high functioning’ can be harmful and does not reflect true capabilities.
Time agnosia is a common experience for neurodivergent individuals.
Self-compassion is crucial in overcoming internalized ableism.
Relationships can be affected by the fear of being a burden.
Unlearning internalized ableism involves recognizing and challenging societal expectations.
Embracing neurodivergence includes acknowledging strengths and practicing self-acceptance.

15 SPECIFIC POINTS DISCUSSED

How internalized ableism shows up in everyday life
- Masking, pushing through burnout, or feeling “lazy” when you’re resting.
Messages we absorbed growing up
- From school, parents, peers, or media about being “too much,” “distracted,” “weird,” or “wrong.”
Perfectionism and people-pleasing as survival
- How needing to be “better” or “easy to manage” is often rooted in internalized shame.
The trap of “not disabled enough” or “faking it”
- How we invalidate our own struggles because we don’t “look” stereotypically disabled.
ADHD, autism, OCD & “high-functioning” narratives
- The myth of being “high functioning” and how it reinforces ableist expectations.
Feeling guilt for needing accommodations or rest
- That voice that says “you’re being difficult” when you ask for what you actually need.
Shame around executive dysfunction
- Struggling to start tasks, follow through, or manage time — and blaming yourself.
Rejecting your own needs to fit in
- Forcing eye contact, avoiding stimming, hiding rituals, not using noise-canceling headphones in public, etc.
The pressure to be “independent” all the time
- How internalized capitalism + ableism equates needing support with being a failure.
Comparing yourself to neurotypical peers

Especially in productivity, relationships, or emotional regulation.

“If I can do it sometimes, I should always be able to” myth

Inconsistent ability = inconsistent worth? Nope. Talk about spoon theory and fluctuating capacity.

How OCD-specific traits are misunderstood or mocked

And how that seeps into how you see yourself (e.g., feeling “crazy,” “irrational,” or “a burden”).

Internalized ableism in dating & relationships

Fear of being too much, too emotional, or too rigid — and minimizing yourself as a result.

How healing looks like reclaiming your needs unapologetically

Self-accommodation, boundaries, rest, and neurodivergent joy as rebellion.

Relearning self-compassion and identity pride

Ending with hope: unmasking, connecting with community, and defining success on your own terms.

SOUND BITES

“Rest is resistance.”
“You are not broken.”
“You deserve rest, joy, and support.”

SENSITIVITY IS NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR; IT’S HOW YOUR BRAIN IS WIRED

You are not broken. You were shaped by systems that weren’t built for you. You deserve rest, joy, and support exactly as you are.

CHAPTERS

00:00 Understanding Internalized Ableism

02:40 The Impact of Societal Expectations

05:31 Navigating Personal Experiences with Internalized Ableism

08:18 The Struggle for Accommodations

10:55 Executive Dysfunction and Inconsistent Abilities

14:01 The Pressure of Productivity

16:53 Feeling ‘Not Enough’ in Neurodivergence

19:43 Unlearning Internalized Ableism

22:27 Building Self-Compassion and Acceptance

PODCAST HOST

Patricia was a Licensed Clinical Social Worker for over 17 years, but she is now exclusively providing coaching. She knows what it’s like to feel like an outcast, misfit, and truthteller. Learning about the trait of being a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), then learning she is AuDHD with a PDA profile, OCD and RSD, helped Patricia rewrite her history with a deeper understanding, appreciation, and a sense of self-compassion. She created the podcast Unapologetically Sensitive to help other neurodivergent folks know that they aren’t alone, and that having a brain that is wired differently comes with amazing gifts, and some challenges. Patricia works online globally working individually with people, and she teaches Online Courses for neurodivergent folks that focus on understanding what it means to be a sensitive neurodivergent. Topics covered include: self-care, self-compassion, boundaries, perfectionism, mindfulness, communication, and creating a lifestyle that honors you